Date Help
by crazed-ink-slinger
Summary: Erik gets the opportunity of a life time when he is given the chance to go back and do the Christine thing again. the only catch:he has to let two phans help in the process. this could get ugly.


A/N: ok a half an hour of staring at a blank word processor page and this is  
what I get. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am not French, I do not speak French, and I do not compose  
music, therefore I do not own PoTO.

Chapter 1: I Won What?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Erik sat back on his organ bench with Christine in his arms. A small whimper sounded in the corner and he tugged on the rope in his hand. This brought a choking noise from the vicomte sitting in the corner attached to a Punjab.

This was definitely the life! Now all he needed was ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT

"Wha!" An alarmed yet groggy Erik sat up suddenly in bed, and slapped his hands to his ear.

"GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM," was all Erik could hear, or even think, as he stumbled from his room down to the shore of the lake.

"MERILY MERILY"

Erik growled looking around for his Punjab. "Oh wait I didn't have one of those in the movie….Stop that infernal racket!"

"MERILY MERILY LIFE IS BUT A DREAM! Ok!" A strangely chipper voice called out. Then a boat came into view and the next thing Erik saw was a rather odd looking girl clinging to the gate in front of his lair.

"Open it! Come on, please!" she called, attempting what she thought to be a puppy dog look (which was actually the look one would have after tripping over a dog and falling down the stairs into a pile of pennies, but then that is another story).

"No!" he yelled in a frustrated tone of voice.

"Please, please, please, please," she begged.

"NO!" he yelled louder, retreating to his organ bench to try and drown out the noise that was his new irritation.

"Fine!" she called, "I'll get in myself! Open sesame! Alohamora!" Several hours later after exhausting her vocabulary and using every nonsensical word contained in the English language, she had almost lost her voice and still had not gained access to the lair. By this time Erik had given up on drowning her out using only his organ and had tied a pillow to his head with something that looked strangely like a pair of stockings (lacking in rope, magical lasso's, or Punjab's).

"Hey," the girl cried, finally taking notice of Erik's strange and newly acquired 'head wear' and burst out laughing, "I knew it! I told my friend that you had them!"

"Had what?" Erik asked confused.

"Uhhh, Christine's stocking's, you know the oh so mysterious vanishing stockings from the movie?" the girl said, then seeing Erik's confused look continued, "The ones that are on her in the Music of the Night scene but aren't the next morning."

"Ohhh," said Erik in an alarmed and kinda guilty voice.

"Hey! I was right!" The girl said as she turned around and threw a rock (don't ask me where she got it) into the gondola. It hit the bottom with a thud. "Hey… where'd she go?"

"Uhhhh, I didn't take them!" Erik denied turning slightly red.

"But they're on your head!" she countered.

"I don't know how I got them!" Erik continued.

"Yes you do!" said a new voice from behind Erik, who turned around startled.

"How'd you get in here?" he demanded.

Ignoring him she said "You know that's when you first went wrong with Christine."

"Hey! Let me in!" the other said, not to be forgotten. The girl who mysteriously appeared approached a lever and pulled on it, opening the gate.

"How did you know where that was? And who are you?" Erik said, a little confused.

The first girl, who had started into the lair, said "My name is Jessie and the mysteriously appearing one is Ashley."

"By the way, please take that off your head, it's starting to freak me out," Ashley requested before going on, "Like I said that night is where you first went wrong!"

"I don't think it was that bad," Erik said, turning rather red as he removed his 'head wear'.

"You had me sold!" Jessie shouted in a perky voice advancing on Erik, who backed away looking worried.

"You see what I mean?" Ashley pointed out before going into pace mode, "You came on way too strong! All the mist and elaborate yet creepy arm candle things! And the touching, don't get me started, and we can't forget the creepy doll!"

"Yeah yeah…" Erik mumbled.

"Don't worry it's not you," then Jessie brought her voice to a whisper "She does it all the time; anger management you know... it's the daily rant thing. Shouldn't last too much longer" Jessie checks her watch.

"I can hear you," Ashley said angrily, "We're in a cave!"

"No we're not, you just think that cause in the movie it looks more like a cave than a cellarish basement thing." Jessie said matter-of-fun-factly.

Erik looked like he had had finally enough "Are you two here for the sole purpose of making my life a living," alas Erik never finished his sentence for before he could even begin to cuss he was promptly tackled by Ashley, as this is a k-rated phic (and Ashley just likes to tackle people).

"Noooooooooo!" cried Jessie, "He's to pretty to hurt!"

"You got served," Ashley said triumphantly, getting up off the ground, and brushing her hands off. Jessie rushed over to tend to the Phantom and gave Ashley a dirty look.

"Actually he just got knocked over, that wasn't even a proper edit!" Jessie said, helping a disgruntled Erik up, "Besides we could have just bleeped it!"

"But I don't like bleeps!" Ashley said, "They're tacky and, and useless!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Stop it!" Erik cried as he started pushing both girls towards the water front. But this proved useless as they simply collapsed into his arms. "Get off me!" he screamed, but they promptly latched tighter to his arms. "Why me?"

"Because you won, silly!" Jessie giggled.

"Won what?" asked a confused Erik.

"You won the 'Date help' fic contest!" replied Ashley, "We took a poll at the thread we run, and you won!"

"What does that mean?"

"It means you get our help to save your love life!" Jessie said.

"And it looks like you need it!" Ashley pointed out.

"Uhhhh, I'm afraid you're too late," Erik was for once relived that it was all over, "You see, Christine already left with the fop"

"Oh," Jessie shrugged this off, "we can fix that! We're all powerful authoresses! We can all go back in time!"

"Ready?" asked Ashley.

"As I'll ever be," Erik groaned, as a sick feeling came to his stomach and his vision blurred. _"Nothing is worth this"_ he thought.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

A/N: Hope you like it! Review for more insanity!


End file.
